I help leaders unleash the talent on their teams and reclaim their power by unlearning silence. I’m the author of the USA Today Bestselling book on Unlearning Silence: How to Speak Your Mind, Unleash Talent, and Live More Fully (Penguin 2024). My vision is a future in which each individual knows, uses, and chooses where they lend their voice.
3 Things to do When You Don’t Know How to Use Your voice
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Hi Reader, Do you wonder what history books will say about this time? I know I do. Daily headlines, volatility, and things “above our pay grades” can lead to confusion or despair. Are tariffs on or off? Do I have a job or not? Here are 3 things you can do when you don’t know how to use your voice. They lay the groundwork for being able to show up, and sustainably so. 1) Identify your values What do you stand for? What beliefs and principles do you want to be true of your life? If you’re not clear what your individual values are, it’s easy to take on institutional values as your own – and to become disillusioned and lost when institutional or social values don’t resonate. Clarity on your own values reminds you of your agency to act – that you have a voice. It may feel nerdy or forced, but if you haven’t already, write down 5 things that really matter to you. And parse them out. If kindness matters to you, what does that look like in action? What behavior or choice does it compel? Values aren’t just corporate meeting room decor, they are anchors that inform how we spend our time, energy, and life. 2) Build your team There are actually no individual sports. Even Olympic skiers have coaches, physical therapists, nutritionists on their team. If you’re unemployed or don’t have other people next to you on an org chart, that doesn’t mean you don’t have a team. Team are the people who can nudge you in the ways you want to go. We are more likely to despair in isolation, when we think we are alone. So, whose will encourage you in the way you want to go? Many of the people on my team I’ve never met in real life, but are a blessing from the internet: Ruchika T. Maholtra on Uncompete: Rejecting Competition to Unlock Success, Lisa Hurley on Space to Exhale, David Glasgow for legal analysis. They inspire, educate, and remind me I’m not alone. 3) Choose oxytocin over cortisol Part of the exhaustion we feel is that the state of the world has our nervous systems on chronic high alert. Cortisol and adrenaline flood our systems. Because there’s an endless stream of things our brains code as attacks, there’s not time for the stress chemicals to be reabsorbed. As a result, we become more reactive (or “short and snappy!”) rather than responsive. But what helps? Oxytocin. Known as the love drug, it is highest in levels of women who have just given birth or are breast feeding but present whenever we experience something positive. How can you inject more oxytocin into your working relationships? Thank someone for something they did, and mean it. Hold the door open for someone – literally and figuratively. Do something you enjoy. It’s not just about being kind, and it’s certainly not about being nice. It’s about buffering our systems so we can function. I hope these three things help guard against overwhelm and help you show up – with all the gifts, skills, and heart that you have. Elaine When you’re ready, here are three ways I can help…
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How to Use Your Voice
I help leaders unleash the talent on their teams and reclaim their power by unlearning silence. I’m the author of the USA Today Bestselling book on Unlearning Silence: How to Speak Your Mind, Unleash Talent, and Live More Fully (Penguin 2024). My vision is a future in which each individual knows, uses, and chooses where they lend their voice.
Hi Reader, As humans, we're incredibly attune to how costly speaking up can be. If the cost of sharing our perspectives, insights, expertise, or ourselves is too high, then it makes sense that we wouldn't want to incur those costs. But what if we’re making these choices to speak up or stay silent based on incomplete analysis? I don’t know about you, but I don’t typically sit around and do a slow pro/con evaluation. The calculation of whether to speak up is typically split-second and often...
Hi Reader, Why don’t smart, capable people speak up? One unexpected reason is what psychologists call expert blindness. When you’re really good at something, you can forget – or be blind to – the fact that others can’t always see what you see or do what you do. Research often focuses on how expert blindness makes it difficult for experts to teach their expertise to others. But I want to focus on another gnarly side effect of being an expert – you can easily underestimate the power of your...
Hi Reader, Whose responsibility is it to make a conversation productive? You might argue that it’s their responsibility to speak up. They might argue that it’s your responsibility to make it safe for them to share. After all, if the real or perceived costs of speaking up are too great, silence makes sense. Power dynamics, life experiences, emotion, and perception all shape whether we dance around issues or really talk about what’s at stake. Too often, we get stuck in a cycle of pointing...