I help leaders create environments that support rather than silence people, AND I help individuals use their voices to build the lives and world they want. I’m the author of the USA Today Bestselling book on Unlearning Silence: How to Speak Your Mind, Unleash Talent, and Live More Fully (Penguin 2024). My vision is a future in which each individual knows they have a voice, uses their voice, and gets to choose when and where they lend their voice.
3 Things to do When You Don’t Know How to Use Your voice
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Hi Reader, Do you wonder what history books will say about this time? I know I do. Daily headlines, volatility, and things “above our pay grades” can lead to confusion or despair. Are tariffs on or off? Do I have a job or not? Here are 3 things you can do when you don’t know how to use your voice. They lay the groundwork for being able to show up, and sustainably so.
1) Identify your values What do you stand for? What beliefs and principles do you want to be true of your life? If you’re not clear what your individual values are, it’s easy to take on institutional values as your own – and to become disillusioned and lost when institutional or social values don’t resonate. Clarity on your own values reminds you of your agency to act – that you have a voice. It may feel nerdy or forced, but if you haven’t already, write down 5 things that really matter to you. And parse them out. If kindness matters to you, what does that look like in action? What behavior or choice does it compel? Values aren’t just corporate meeting room decor, they are anchors that inform how we spend our time, energy, and life.
2) Build your team There are actually no individual sports. Even Olympic skiers have coaches, physical therapists, nutritionists on their team. If you’re unemployed or don’t have other people next to you on an org chart, that doesn’t mean you don’t have a team. Team are the people who can nudge you in the ways you want to go. We are more likely to despair in isolation, when we think we are alone. So, whose will encourage you in the way you want to go? Many of the people on my team I’ve never met in real life, but are a blessing from the internet: Ruchika T. Maholtra on Uncompete: Rejecting Competition to Unlock Success, Lisa Hurley on Space to Exhale, David Glasgow for legal analysis. They inspire, educate, and remind me I’m not alone.
3) Choose oxytocin over cortisol Part of the exhaustion we feel is that the state of the world has our nervous systems on chronic high alert. Cortisol and adrenaline flood our systems. Because there’s an endless stream of things our brains code as attacks, there’s not time for the stress chemicals to be reabsorbed. As a result, we become more reactive (or “short and snappy!”) rather than responsive. But what helps? Oxytocin. Known as the love drug, it is highest in levels of women who have just given birth or are breast feeding but present whenever we experience something positive. How can you inject more oxytocin into your working relationships? Thank someone for something they did, and mean it. Hold the door open for someone – literally and figuratively. Do something you enjoy. It’s not just about being kind, and it’s certainly not about being nice. It’s about buffering our systems so we can function.
I hope these three things help guard against overwhelm and help you show up – with all the gifts, skills, and heart that you have.
Elaine When you’re ready, here are three ways I can help…
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How to Use Your Voice
I help leaders create environments that support rather than silence people, AND I help individuals use their voices to build the lives and world they want. I’m the author of the USA Today Bestselling book on Unlearning Silence: How to Speak Your Mind, Unleash Talent, and Live More Fully (Penguin 2024). My vision is a future in which each individual knows they have a voice, uses their voice, and gets to choose when and where they lend their voice.
Hi Reader, Whether you’re sitting in a leadership meeting or in a 1:1 with your manager, there are times when speaking up can seem risky. If I bite my tongue and keep the thought to myself, we can all just move on with our lives. If I tell myself that the question running through my head is silly, then we can end the meeting and everyone tackle the next thing on our to-do lists. Or so we tell ourselves. And in a split second, the moment has passed. Our decision to stay silent might even seem...
Hi Reader, One of the emotions often associated with speaking up is fear. What will they think? What will they do? Will I lose my job? How will I provide for my household? And certainly, headlines in the United States these days can both amplify and reinforce that those fears are valid. Because they are. At the same time, unless we interrogate our fears, they too easily determine our actions. We default to silence, thinking that if we blend in, fly under the radar, don’t add fuel to the fire,...
Hi Reader, Last week I heard yet another well-intentioned leader say to their team — “I want to hear what you have to say. I won’t necessarily do it, but I want to hear it.” While I knew the leader was sincere in wanting people to speak up, I also cringed inside. Having heard and observed so many teams across industries, I know that comment usually comes from a good place and so often has mixed impact. I could hear employees in the room thinking – If you’re not going to do something about it,...