I help leaders create environments that support rather than silence people, AND I help individuals use their voices to build the lives and world they want. I’m the author of the USA Today Bestselling book on Unlearning Silence: How to Speak Your Mind, Unleash Talent, and Live More Fully (Penguin 2024). My vision is a future in which each individual knows they have a voice, uses their voice, and gets to choose when and where they lend their voice.
How to Make Speaking Up Less Costly
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Hi Reader, While speaking at a conference last week, someone in the audience asked: what do you do when people make it really costly for you to speak up? The lawyer in me wanted to ask for specifics. The human in me could see the pain she was carrying. The coach in me offered this: 1) Anchor to your bigger why - What matters to you more than immediate discomfort or the costs of speaking up? Is it making it better for the next generation? Is it a value of fairness and integrity? Why does it matter to you to speak up? Your why doesn’t make the costs disappear, but your why can put costs in perspective. 2) Contextualize resistance - Many a musician has said, “Haters are going to hate.” Is their resistance actually about you or is it systemic? Is it personal or is it part of the process? Knowing that resistance is a natural part of what researchers call “the voice cultivation process” means you’re less likely to be caught off guard or take resistance personally when it shows up. 3) Know what is your work - Whether we speak up can depend on how others show up. Biases and blind spots mean that there may not be anything you can do differently that would help the other person hear you. In the spirit of continuous improvement and learning, we can always be searching for what we need to change – that would finally get them to hear us. But what if it’s not you, it’s them? Which leads us to when we are “them”. If you want people (including your kids) to
It is on each of us to reduce the real and perceived costs of speaking up – especially if you hold formal or informal leadership roles. Imagine this: if when you shared your thoughts, you knew they would be well-received, taken seriously, and appreciated, how costly is it for you then? That power – to receive, incentivize, hear, understand, acknowledge, appreciate, respect – to minimize the costs of speaking up for someone else lies with you. Want more detail on how? Read Chapters 5 “How We Silence Others” and Chapter 9 “Stop Silencing People” of Unlearning Silence. And make intentional choices. The people you lead will thank you. Elaine When you’re ready, here are three ways I can help…
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How to Use Your Voice
I help leaders create environments that support rather than silence people, AND I help individuals use their voices to build the lives and world they want. I’m the author of the USA Today Bestselling book on Unlearning Silence: How to Speak Your Mind, Unleash Talent, and Live More Fully (Penguin 2024). My vision is a future in which each individual knows they have a voice, uses their voice, and gets to choose when and where they lend their voice.
Hi Reader, Whether you’re sitting in a leadership meeting or in a 1:1 with your manager, there are times when speaking up can seem risky. If I bite my tongue and keep the thought to myself, we can all just move on with our lives. If I tell myself that the question running through my head is silly, then we can end the meeting and everyone tackle the next thing on our to-do lists. Or so we tell ourselves. And in a split second, the moment has passed. Our decision to stay silent might even seem...
Hi Reader, Do you wonder what history books will say about this time? I know I do. Daily headlines, volatility, and things “above our pay grades” can lead to confusion or despair. Are tariffs on or off? Do I have a job or not?In all of this, what does it mean to use your voice? And where do you even start? Here are 3 things you can do when you don’t know how to use your voice. They lay the groundwork for being able to show up, and sustainably so. 1) Identify your values What do you stand for?...
Hi Reader, One of the emotions often associated with speaking up is fear. What will they think? What will they do? Will I lose my job? How will I provide for my household? And certainly, headlines in the United States these days can both amplify and reinforce that those fears are valid. Because they are. At the same time, unless we interrogate our fears, they too easily determine our actions. We default to silence, thinking that if we blend in, fly under the radar, don’t add fuel to the fire,...