Hi Reader,

Most of us were asked this question as kids: what do you want to be when you grow up?
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​The question carries a kind of wonder. An acknowledgement that you’re not finished and are still becoming.

But how we answer it matters. In classrooms, it often nudges kids to pick a profession before they know what a profession is. Then we’re surprised when, decades later, our jobs feel like our identities.

At work, there’s a subtle but no less powerful version of this question at play. It sounds less like what do you want to be? And more like, Be this. Not that.

Leaders can suppress or support talent ​
One of my earliest full-time roles didn’t come with a job description. I was simply supposed to mimic the founder. I wasn’t told or encouraged to think for myself. The job was to imitate. And for a long while, I did.
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How often are we wanting people to be mini-mes? Reality is, there’s less friction when people lead the way we lead and work the way we work. Their compliance is useful because they amplify our way. It’s the textbook definition of scale. Phrases like “united front” and “aligned with leadership” exist for a reason.
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The intent is often good. But the impact is costly. When the message is just show up like this, it communicates which parts of you are welcome, and which aren’t. And yet, the different perspective, expertise, or skillset is often why the role exists:

• To ask the question no one else thinks of
• To offer the perspective that reveals blind spots
• To complement, not reproduce, your own abilities
• To do what an AI agent can't

We silence ourselves, too. ​
I used to think that I wasn’t enough. As a professional, I needed to look more polished, sound more assured, and carry more presence. As a keynote speaker, I was supposed to look and sound like Tony Robbins, someone for whom presence and volume equal power.

But if I’m not, can’t be, and don’t want to be Tony, is there a place for me?
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After a recent speaking engagement, an attendee told me, “You brought a much-needed sense of calm to the room.” In corporate frenzy where lots of stuff happens but things don’t necessarily get done, I’ll take calm. We could use more calm.

Then, within a single week, three people from three different groups asked whether I’d ever done stand-up comedy. (I have not.) Neither calm nor funny was on my list of things to replicate. But both of them are apparently part of how I show up as a speaker. I discovered that by doing, not theorizing.
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​Inspiration, not aspiration

Models can be helpful. They can also be constricting. The shift is to hold them as inspiration, not aspiration. Something to learn from, rather than someone to become.
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​Your move ​
If you lead people: Think about the last time you described what “good” looks like on your team. Did you describe outcomes, or did you describe yourself?
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​If you’re using your voice: Notice the feedback that surprised you, like the compliment you didn’t expect or the quality people keep naming that you never tried to cultivate. How might you use that quality on purpose?
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When I grow up, I want to be me. And I hope you’ll be you.
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Elaine

When you’re ready, here are three ways I can help…

1. ​Connect with me on LinkedIn for tips on leadership, communication, and navigating toxic workplaces weekdays at 9am ET.
2. Reading my book Unlearning Silence with your team, book club, or ERG? Group discussion guides available here.
3. ​Hire me to speak virtually or in person.