I help leaders reclaim their power by unlearning silence. I’m the author of the USA Today Bestselling book on Unlearning Silence: How to Speak Your Mind, Unleash Talent, and Live More Fully (Penguin 2024). My vision is a future in which each individual knows, uses, and chooses where they lend their voice.
No is a complete sentence (but here are 4 more)
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Hi Reader, It's back-to-school season for many. It's a time of transition. When I asked how people are managing their schedules to deal with the inevitable load of kids experiencing restraint collapse, testing out new rhythms, and pre-frontal cortexes still growing, someone replied: just say no! It's great advice. And it can be hard for many of us. Why is it hard to say no?Because we genuinely want to be helpful. We want to be liked. We've been taught to serve. We've been rewarded for turning ourselves inside out to pull heroics when no one else can. There's identity mixed up in our responsiveness and ability to produce. Some hard truths.We all have limited capacity. Not just 24 hours in a day. But emotional, relational bandwidth. There are people I'd love to have coffee with, be friends with, do life with. There are professional projects I want to take on, clients I want to work with, endeavors I'm pushing off to 2027. Because there's often more we want to do than we actually have capacity for. Not because we're weak or incapable. Because we too have limits. Need to say no? Here are 4 ways.Some people will tell you, "No is a complete sentence." You don't need to justify your no. And yet in the process of unlearning always being on and available and worried about relationships, here are a few other options.
Wishing you all the nos you need to say in order to say yes to the things that matter most (which includes you, your health and sanity!) Elaine When you’re ready, here are three ways I can help…
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How to Use Your Voice
I help leaders reclaim their power by unlearning silence. I’m the author of the USA Today Bestselling book on Unlearning Silence: How to Speak Your Mind, Unleash Talent, and Live More Fully (Penguin 2024). My vision is a future in which each individual knows, uses, and chooses where they lend their voice.
Hi Reader, Most of us were asked this question as kids: what do you want to be when you grow up? The question carries a kind of wonder. An acknowledgement that you’re not finished and are still becoming. But how we answer it matters. In classrooms, it often nudges kids to pick a profession before they know what a profession is. Then we’re surprised when, decades later, our jobs feel like our identities. At work, there’s a subtle but no less powerful version of this question at play. It sounds...
Hi Reader, If I've always been agreeable, won't it be weird if I start disagreeing? It will be weird. But not as weird as you think. Why? People aren't thinking as much about you as you are about yourself. The spotlight effect means we pay far more attention to ourselves than others pay to us. That makes sense. After all, we're the ones who live with the consequences of our choices. So will it feel weird to disagree with your manager or spouse when in the past you haven't? Maybe. It will feel...
Hi Reader, As an author, you're supposed to be able to describe your book in one sentence. As a person in a world of short attention spans, you're supposed to have a one-sentence elevator pitch for what you do, too. It's something I've always struggled with. Last week, I jumped on a call with a fellow author*. She said very plainly, "I love your book. It's about discernment." I paused. And smiled. Because it is. Discernment can sound like a fancy word with religious undertones. But...