Hi Reader,

I grew up in a culture where care looked like telling you what you were doing wrong.
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The logic: if people didn't care about you, they wouldn't choose to invest in you by telling you what and how you should change. It took me years to unwind that — because in the moment, regardless of the intent behind it, it felt like criticism.

Excellent was expected. So why would you go out of your way to tell someone what’s great? After all, you wouldn’t want the praise to go to their head.

That also meant that I didn’t write reviews – for restaurants, products, or workshops. At least not positive ones (anyone else rage post on Yelp even if you didn’t say something to the server about the inedible meal?). It didn't occur to me sharing what you appreciated and the positive impact something had on you was something to do — let alone something worth doing.

The Power We Overlook

If you look at news headlines or around your organization, it can be easy to feel powerless. How do you use your voice or make an impact when you aren’t the decisionmaker? When your input feels like it goes into a blackhole? When the "reductions in force" seem inevitable?

When we think of power, we often focus on the power we don’t have: The budget that was cut. The table we don’t have a seat at. The decisions that someone else makes – and the rest of us have to live with.

When we focus only on the power we don't have, we forget the power we do have.

We are quick to notice what people do wrong. But when's the last time you noticed what someone was doing well — and told them?

People never know how much you appreciate them, their product, or their service unless you tell them. That sounds obvious. And yet expressing that appreciation? It rarely happens with the specificity and intentionality we give our criticism.

A No-Budget Way to Use Your Power

Writing a review is one of the most underrated uses of power available. It takes less than 5 minutes. And it does 3 things at once.

1) It makes someone's day. A small business owner reading a thoughtful positive review. A jobseeker seeing a LinkedIn recommendation they didn't ask for. A creator learning that what they made actually mattered to someone.

I keep a folder titled “Smiles” on my computer of positive feedback for the days that I need to remind myself that what I’m doing is worthwhile, that I’ve positively impacted someone, and that all the effort is worthwhile. Your words can sustain, nourish, and encourage someone else.

2) It reminds you that you have agency. It is an act of choosing where to direct your attention and your voice — toward what's working, what you value, what you want more of in the world.

And 3) it is, quietly, a way of shaping the world we live in. Where we normalize appreciation as much as criticism. After all, appreciation also serves the tactical purpose of telling someone that what they did or created worked – and that they should keep doing it.

Your Move

This week, try this:

1. Identify one person, product, or service you genuinely appreciate.

2. Write a review — on Amazon, Yelp, Google, an industry forum, LinkedIn, wherever makes sense.

3. Send it directly to the person with a note that says, "I wanted you to know how much I appreciated getting to partner with you" or "I wanted to tell you what an impact this has made." Extra credit, if it makes sense, cc their manager.

Inject some oxytocin into the world. It will make their day.

And it might just make yours, too.

Elaine

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When you’re ready, here are three ways I can help…

1. Check out my NEW free webinar "How to Speak Your Mind".
2. ​Join me on Instagram for tips on leadership, communication, and navigating toxic workplaces.
3. ​Hire me to speak virtually or in person.