I help leaders create environments that support rather than silence people, AND I help individuals use their voices to build the lives and world they want. I’m the author of the USA Today Bestselling book on Unlearning Silence: How to Speak Your Mind, Unleash Talent, and Live More Fully (Penguin 2024). My vision is a future in which each individual knows they have a voice, uses their voice, and gets to choose when and where they lend their voice.
Unlearning Silence Doesn’t Mean Saying Everything
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Hi Reader, The world is a noisy place. From non-stop news cycles to social media platforms and calls to use your voice, it’s hard to know where your voice fits in. It’s also a particularly tricky time to lead. As I work with corporate and community leaders to build cultures of voice rather than silence on their teams, the question I’m asked most is – how do I get people to say what they think AND also be respectful? One leader put it – “In pre-COVID days, people had a sense of ‘decorum’ and ‘professionalism’ that meant people stayed too silent. I don’t want to go back to silence, but it feels like the pendulum has swung too far. People are being downright mean.” If we don’t want complete silence but we also don’t want unfiltered voice (and we aren’t using the Twitter storm around the US election as a model for civil discourse), what are we to do? Each of us can: 1) Avoid the all or nothing mindset. Staying silent or saying everything aren’t the only choices. There is a huge range between the two extremes. The range also includes the level of directness you choose to use. Are you asking a question, making an observation, or issuing a command? 2) Anchor to values. What things do you want to live by and are you unwilling to compromise on? How does what you’re saying, how you say it, and where you use your voice reflect those values? Are those values individual or shared? 3) Choose strategically. No one has limitless energy or social capital. Whether at home or at work, to live sustainably means picking battles. Chapter 3 of my book Unlearning Silence unpacks “When Silence Makes Sense” for this very reason. Whether your team is a 200+ person organization or the people who live under the same roof, leaders play a disproportionate role in shaping culture. If you lead people, 1) Communicate, then overcommunicate. Be explicit about the culture you’re trying to build. In the absence of clear lines, everyone is reading in between the lines to try to figure out how things work – and not always accurately. 2) Interrogate your biases. Commonly accepted professional norms contain their own biases. If you’re used to silence and deference, conversation can feel combative. To some, accountability can feel like attack. If feeling off-kilter, anchor back to your own values (see above) 3) Invite coaching. Even when leaders invite perspective, there is no guarantee people will offer it. Regularly asking “What am I doing that’s getting in the way of the culture I’ve said I want to build?” and responding well builds a track record that shows you really mean what you say. We live in complicated times, but they don’t have to be all or nothing times. Building a culture of voice doesn’t mean saying or letting people say everything everywhere all the time to everyone. Building a culture of voice does mean intentionally creating spaces where you and the people around you can thrive. Elaine When you’re ready, here are three ways I can help…
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How to Use Your Voice
I help leaders create environments that support rather than silence people, AND I help individuals use their voices to build the lives and world they want. I’m the author of the USA Today Bestselling book on Unlearning Silence: How to Speak Your Mind, Unleash Talent, and Live More Fully (Penguin 2024). My vision is a future in which each individual knows they have a voice, uses their voice, and gets to choose when and where they lend their voice.
Hi Reader, Whether you’re sitting in a leadership meeting or in a 1:1 with your manager, there are times when speaking up can seem risky. If I bite my tongue and keep the thought to myself, we can all just move on with our lives. If I tell myself that the question running through my head is silly, then we can end the meeting and everyone tackle the next thing on our to-do lists. Or so we tell ourselves. And in a split second, the moment has passed. Our decision to stay silent might even seem...
Hi Reader, Do you wonder what history books will say about this time? I know I do. Daily headlines, volatility, and things “above our pay grades” can lead to confusion or despair. Are tariffs on or off? Do I have a job or not?In all of this, what does it mean to use your voice? And where do you even start? Here are 3 things you can do when you don’t know how to use your voice. They lay the groundwork for being able to show up, and sustainably so. 1) Identify your values What do you stand for?...
Hi Reader, One of the emotions often associated with speaking up is fear. What will they think? What will they do? Will I lose my job? How will I provide for my household? And certainly, headlines in the United States these days can both amplify and reinforce that those fears are valid. Because they are. At the same time, unless we interrogate our fears, they too easily determine our actions. We default to silence, thinking that if we blend in, fly under the radar, don’t add fuel to the fire,...