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Hi Reader, I started writing this newsletter before multiple shootings happened in the United States last week. Soon after, people across industries were fired for comments and the limits of free speech shifted from what academics theory to poignant reality. Those events made the question even more urgent: If silence is the norm or expectation, then how do you actually use your voice? Here are three thoughts: 1) Broaden your definition of voiceVoice isn’t just what you say in a meeting. It’s how you move through the world. Posting something on social media or speaking up at an all-hands meeting are only two of many ways of using your voice. If voice is about your sense of perspective, impact, and how you want to shape the world, consider how you might impact those around you by how you show up day in and day out. Your voice isn’t just what you tweet or don’t tweet. It’s also whether you show up at home, at work, and in your relationships with kindness, grace, curiosity, joy, and steadiness. Ask yourself: How do you want to show up? What impact do you want to have on the people around you? How might you do that? 2) Choose the 5Ws and 1HIt so often seems like there are only two options when it comes to using your voice. Do or don’t. But voice isn’t an on off switch. Voice and silence aren’t binary. You don’t have to swing at ever pitch or take every piece of bait. In middle school, my English teacher taught me that the key to understanding a situation was to ask Who, What, Where, When, Why (5Ws) and How (1H). As I share in this LinkedIn post, those same factors provide us decision nodes for where we share of our thoughts, insights, expertise, and selves. 3) Remember that you have a choiceTime and again, I hear senior leaders in organizations say “my hands are tied! I can’t do anything about it.” And everyone who reports up to them thinks, “if you can’t do anything about it, then who can?” These leaders forget they have a choice. Are any of the choices attractive? Perhaps not. There are costs and benefits to every decision. But the quickest way to give up your power to influence people and outcomes is to forget that you have a choice. You have a choice about whether you listen to your own intuition. You have a choice whether you choose to share your thoughts, or not. You have a choice as whether you think a conversation, or round twelve of the same conversation, is worth it. Unlearning silence isn’t about saying everything to everyone all the time. It is about living and leading intentionally in ways that are aligned with your values. How will you choose to live your values today? Elaine When you’re ready, here are three ways I can help…
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I help leaders reclaim their power by unlearning silence. I’m the author of the USA Today Bestselling book on Unlearning Silence: How to Speak Your Mind, Unleash Talent, and Live More Fully (Penguin 2024). My vision is a future in which each individual knows, uses, and chooses where they lend their voice.
Hi Reader, Most of us were asked this question as kids: what do you want to be when you grow up? The question carries a kind of wonder. An acknowledgement that you’re not finished and are still becoming. But how we answer it matters. In classrooms, it often nudges kids to pick a profession before they know what a profession is. Then we’re surprised when, decades later, our jobs feel like our identities. At work, there’s a subtle but no less powerful version of this question at play. It sounds...
Hi Reader, If I've always been agreeable, won't it be weird if I start disagreeing? It will be weird. But not as weird as you think. Why? People aren't thinking as much about you as you are about yourself. The spotlight effect means we pay far more attention to ourselves than others pay to us. That makes sense. After all, we're the ones who live with the consequences of our choices. So will it feel weird to disagree with your manager or spouse when in the past you haven't? Maybe. It will feel...
Hi Reader, It's back-to-school season for many. It's a time of transition. When I asked how people are managing their schedules to deal with the inevitable load of kids experiencing restraint collapse, testing out new rhythms, and pre-frontal cortexes still growing, someone replied: just say no! It's great advice. And it can be hard for many of us. Why is it hard to say no? Because we genuinely want to be helpful. We want to be liked. We've been taught to serve. We've been rewarded for...