Hi Reader, Waiting for perfect -- the perfect time, the perfect role, the perfect set of factors -- often leads to silence. 5 years ago, I thought about doing a TEDx talk. It seemed like an effective way of sharing a big idea. After all, it worked for leadership gurus Simon Sinek and Brené Brown. I strategized. I applied. Nothing. 3 years ago, I thought a TEDx talk was a prerequisite for launching a book correctly. I remember a conversation with my very wise literary agent Rachel who said...
about 1 month ago • 1 min read
Hi Reader, As humans, we're incredibly attune to how costly speaking up can be. If the cost of sharing our perspectives, insights, expertise, or ourselves is too high, then it makes sense that we wouldn't want to incur those costs. But what if we’re making these choices to speak up or stay silent based on incomplete analysis? I don’t know about you, but I don’t typically sit around and do a slow pro/con evaluation. The calculation of whether to speak up is typically split-second and often...
4 months ago • 2 min read
Hi Reader, Why don’t smart, capable people speak up? One unexpected reason is what psychologists call expert blindness. When you’re really good at something, you can forget – or be blind to – the fact that others can’t always see what you see or do what you do. Research often focuses on how expert blindness makes it difficult for experts to teach their expertise to others. But I want to focus on another gnarly side effect of being an expert – you can easily underestimate the power of your...
5 months ago • 3 min read
Hi Reader, Whose responsibility is it to make a conversation productive? You might argue that it’s their responsibility to speak up. They might argue that it’s your responsibility to make it safe for them to share. After all, if the real or perceived costs of speaking up are too great, silence makes sense. Power dynamics, life experiences, emotion, and perception all shape whether we dance around issues or really talk about what’s at stake. Too often, we get stuck in a cycle of pointing...
6 months ago • 2 min read
Hi Reader, A marketing director recently described how she had no problem speaking her mind to her peers. But put her in the C-Suite? That’s when it was hardest. It wasn’t just that she was the only one without a C level title. It was also that she didn’t think she had the credentials – she had gone to a state school while the C-levels were fancy-pants-Yales-and-Harvards. Speaking up can be hard enough. Speaking up when it’s up the org chart? When you feel out-credentialed? Even harder. Often...
7 months ago • 2 min read
Hi Reader, Ever feel like you’re the only one who cares? About people, values, integrity — while the system rewards speed and spin? You’re not alone. “What if people don’t care about this stuff?” was the question an astute participant asked at the end of a recent workshop I led on creating cultures of voice at work. It’s a great question, and one you might also be asking as you’re thinking: Yeah, Elaine, it would be great if I could speak my mind. It would be amazing if the leader I report to...
8 months ago • 2 min read
Hi Reader, I started writing this newsletter before multiple shootings happened in the United States last week. Soon after, people across industries were fired for comments and the limits of free speech shifted from what academics theory to poignant reality. Those events made the question even more urgent: If silence is the norm or expectation, then how do you actually use your voice? Here are three thoughts: 1) Broaden your definition of voice Voice isn’t just what you say in a meeting. It’s...
9 months ago • 2 min read
Hi Reader, “If you’ve always been the quiet one, won’t it be strange if you start using your voice now?” That was the question a participant typed into chat at the end of a recent virtual fireside chat. The tension was palpable in her question, even through letters on a screen. My short answer to her? Yes. It will likely feel strange – but not because using your voice is inherently wrong, bad, or that you’re doing it wrong. It will likely feel strange because, like wearing a new pair of shoes...
9 months ago • 2 min read
Hi Reader, I’ve worked with so many leaders over the years who are frustrated with people on their teams. Why won’t they speak up? I want people to tell me what’s really going on. I can’t help if they don’t say something. I need them to tell me before things get bad. Why won’t they just say something? There is an understandable frustration, often even a deep annoyance. After all, those leaders see themselves as approachable, understanding, and constructive. So why don’t their people “just do...
12 months ago • 2 min read